Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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