BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm passing your future prison.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
