Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
