that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
