it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
