so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
