Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
