I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
