my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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