dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
