I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
