when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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