I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
