Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This toilet bowl is my home.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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