im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
