Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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