Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
