youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
