R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
