I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
sarcasm needs its own font
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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