You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
