I wish I could teleport
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
