You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
