I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
