i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
