I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Found your dick twin last night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
