Nicole vs. Life
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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