I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
