don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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