So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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