I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she smelled like a LAN party
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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