Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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