is wine microwaveable?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just gargled with NyQuil
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
