I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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