after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
