just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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