its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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