I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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