Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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