so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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