i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
