belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
