I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
