You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
