what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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