Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
