I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
