Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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