why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It was confusing and full of hummus
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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