why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
